Standing With Survivors

Dear friends,

I'm sure I don't need to tell you that pretty much every woman you know has spent the better part of her life trying not to get raped. Some have succeeded. Many have not. As the Epstein files are slowly reaching the public eye, complete with pedo-protecting redactions and incomparable levels of malice and incompetence, my heart is heavy for all the women in this world who are being forced to relive the trauma of their lives being turned upside down by the very men within this system that has turned the Epstein nightmare into clickbait rather than an actual reckoning for the perpetrators.

Every single molecule of the seemingly endless Epstein story is so immensely fucked up, I have shed more tears of rage than you can imagine (perhaps you have too). The fact that there are 3.5 MILLION files relating to the (mainly) men in this trafficking ring who were either participants or observers or both in the organized raping of children is unfathomable. After years of this abuse going unchecked, these files are now being meted out as click bait. Juicy tidbits. Like gossip from some inane reality TV show that has gripped the public's imagination, rather than the evidence required to finally bring justice for the victims whose voices were never believed.

Talk about the festering boil of patriarchy oozing to the surface, sickening all who see it (sorry, I know that was really gross, but so is the patriarchy). Every new detail reveals more unspeakable crimes from the worst members of humanity, all of whom hold/held positions of great power in the systems that are destroying us all. Accountability is slow, small and watery. Sure, Andy lost his crown, and a few others are stepping away from their over-inflated incomes, but they are still walking free, and many continue to hold powerful positions. The Pedo-in-Chief is still president, screwing everything he touches. And, after decades of violating young girls in the most unspeakable ways, the child rapists have now insinuated their evilness into our every thought every day under the guise of justice (ha!).

Let us turn our rage into action.

As the crimes are uncovered, many victims of sexual assault are reeling, recoiling, aching from the daily reminders of their own hellish experiences, both the actual assault itself and the glaring lack of justice. Rather than allowing the gruesome details to consume me, I am trying to turn my thoughts, energy and love into support for survivors of sexual assault and male violence, and I invite you to join me.

Here are a few suggestions of how to transform your rage into love:

1. Check in on your women folk. Every time sexual assault becomes big news, millions of women are left dealing with re-opened wounds and trauma with little or no support. Please make sure the women in your life know they are loved and supported. Ask them what they need.
2. If you have the wherewithal, donate to your local rape crisis centre or women's shelter. When I owned my business, I would often do fund raisers for various organizations, including the Victoria Women's Transition House. Sadly/thankfully, this place has been protecting women from abusive partners for over 50 years, growing bigger, offering more services, and always at capacity. Since retiring, I have been crocheting blankets for the women and children who end up at VWTH, often with nothing but the clothes on their back. Rape crisis centres and women's shelters are chronically underfunded and over-subscribed. Please see how you can support them.
3. Talk to boys! The manosphere is incredibly noisy so we just have to be noisier and more inviting. I know so many wonderful teenage boys and young men who were raised to be kind, considerate, respectful, engaged humans. It is totally possible to raise boys to be mensches, but it takes a community, not just the parents. Let's teach them what healthy masculinity looks like, what consent looks like, what being a good human looks like. Talk to boys.
4. Men folk - pay attention! Out of respect for a woman's need to feel safe, my husband will cross the street if he finds himself walking behind a solo woman, especially after dark. It's so important for men to understand how their actions can make women feel safe or unsafe. Pay attention to the clues and do your part to make women feel safe in your presence.
5. Speak out loudly when you witness any form of abusive behaviour. I mean, be really fucking noisy! Creepy men have banked on our silence forever, and that is how they've been able to get away with sexual abuse for so long. No more. If you see someone behaving badly (irl or online), or making inappropriate 'jokes', scream at them. Tear a fucking strip off them. Let them know that they will not get away with this under your watch. Unleash all your rage in their skanky face.
6. If you are a survivor of sexual assault, I am sending you so much love. I hope you are taking extra care with your heart just now. Please give yourself permission to nurture yourself, to rest, and do whatever feels healing. This is a painful time, and you shouldn't have to relive your trauma as we collectively come to terms with the fact that the world's wealthiest monsters set their targets on the most vulnerable members of our society and have got away with it for years.

Imagining a safer world ahead.

I don't know if we will ever live in a time that is not dominated by gross injustice, but I am hopeful that we are (albeit slowly and painfully) working our way towards that better world. I am hopeful that the festering pestilence of patriarchy that has so toxically infected every aspect of our world systems for far too long is finally rupturing so intensely and completely it will now make space for us to heal and renew our societies. I am hopeful that enough of these pedophiles and pedo-protectors will truly be held accountable and justice will be served. I am hopeful that we can start moving towards a world where consent and respect are the norms, and women no longer have to spend our lives trying not to get raped (my young friend Avery wrote this beautiful song about the harsh reality of walking home at night, trying not to get raped). I don't know if this is possible, but I do know that for my daughter, for my young friend Avery, and for every woman everywhere, I will do everything I can to create a safer and more justice world for them.

With love and solidarity,

Jessica (she/her)