Talking Trans Rights (Again)

Someone I love is trans.

Dear friends,

Every week I show up here to cheer you into action in the fight against rising fascism, to start building the world we want, and to protect what we love. This week I'm making a very specific request - let us all show up for the trans community.

So many demographics are under assault just now, it almost feels wrong to focus on the protection of one particular group. But, like you, someone I love is ... (pick your targeted bunch of humans). The someone I love the most who is trans is my own child, and, thanks to them, my world is full of lovely trans folk who make my life so much richer. I know I wrote about this recently, but I will never ever shut up when the rights and safety of trans folk are under threat. And, boy howdy! Are the trans community ever under threat these days!

It seems that every time the orange menace and his MAGA minions start to realize that most of the world fucking loathes them, they whip out their vile anti-trans rhetoric. This, of course, is a classic fascist tactic to turn the masses against those who are causing the least harm to distract from those who are doing the most harm.

Understanding of the trans experience is a spectrum.

Just as gender is a spectrum (one of the first things I learned when kiddo started to transition), I believe how we understand gender is also a spectrum.

At the top of this spectrum are trans folk. Just like cis folk, trans people understand who they are and what they need to be free to live their lives comfortably. Just like we expect them to believe us (cis folk), we should believe them. Whether they are five years old or sixty-five years old, we need to listen when someone tells us that their gender doesn't match the one they were assigned at birth. I mean, all of us change and shift and evolve throughout our lives, and, generally speaking, those around us believe us and trust that we are making the right choices for ourselves when we say that we are changing careers, taking up new hobbies, moving to a different town/province/country, choosing or leaving a life partner, becoming parents, getting corrective surgery, etc. Why should that acceptance and trust suddenly disappear based on someone's genitalia? And, why, oh why, are we as a society so completely obsessed with other people's junk to the extent that it determines whether or not we believe that they can be stripped of their human rights???

A little further down this spectrum of understanding are trans allies. The minute my kiddo told me they were trans I turned into the fiercest Mama Bear in town, ready to protect and support my kiddo in this new chapter of their life. And I have remained a fierce ally for all trans folk. But ten years into this journey, I still cannot claim to fully understand what it's like to be trans. In fact, as someone with immense cis-white-lady privilege who has always been at home in my body, I really have no idea what it must feel like to be housed in the wrong anatomy. But - and this is the really important part - I don't need to understand. Not my life. Not my body. Not my decisions. I just need to trust and respect what trans folk say because it's their bodies and their lives, not mine.

Next we have the people who are not necessarily allies, but are curious and open-hearted enough to want to try to understand what's going on for their trans neighbour/colleague/friend/relative. I have been very vocal about being a 'transparent' and, mainly the response has been positive. People can see how much I love my kiddo and so they ask questions to better understand. When speaking with other parents of trans kids new to this journey, when they see how easy it is for me to love and accept my kiddo, I can visibly see them relax. The more we speak freely and lovingly about trans folk, the more we open space for people who want to learn about trans lives.

I'd say the next spot on the spectrum goes to the pity people. Ohmyfuckinggawd! I can't tell you how many well-meaning friends and acquaintances have actually praised me for LOVING MY CHILD. Of course I love my child, but, because my kid is trans, apparently this makes me deserving of high praise. I have tried to accept these kind words as good intentions, but they actually drive me bananas. I know that many, many parents have rejected their kids because they're trans, but that is just bad parenting. Whenever someone tells me what a good/strong/amazing mom I am because my kid is trans, I usually respond with, "I have no problem loving my trans kid, but if they'd told me they were a Republican, I would probably struggle." Honestly, I don't care what gender my kid is as long as they're happy. And, as long as they are a decent human, they are so damned easy to love.

As we reach the bottom of the understanding spectrum, we encounter the liars and the idiots who readily believe them. These people are dangerous. These people need to SHUTTHEFUCKUP. It's our job as allies and as decent humans to make sure we shut them down every time they open their lying mouths, either in real life or online. We cannot allow transphobia to go unchallenged.

Generations before, and generations to come.

Earlier this week, I posted this story about my heartwarming exchange with J, the 65 year old trans woman who asked for this blanket I was donating to the local women's shelter. What I didn't mention in this post is that our interaction allowed me the opportunity to thank her for making the world a little safer for my trans kid. Later, when I was telling my kiddo this story, I reminded them that they have now made the world a little safer for my friend's six year old trans daughter. And on it goes, one generation after another.

I want to send love and gratitude to all the generations of queer folk who have come out before my kid, preparing the world to be a little more accepting, a little kinder, a little safer for someone I love. And to all the allies who wear their "Protect Trans kids" and "Protect the Dolls" t-shirts, or "Trans Rights are Human Rights" buttons, who add their pronouns after their name, who celebrate Pride, who call out transphobes, and who show up in solidarity - thank you. Stay visible. Stay noisy. Please do your bit to counter the attacks on the trans community and to let trans folk know we've got their backs. They need our support now more than ever. My ask this week is let's show up for them.

With love,

Jessica (she/her)